Recent neuroscience research has indicated that the same parts of the brain that activate when we eat also activate when we engage in play. This research is interesting in that it provides us with concrete evidence that play or pleasure seeking activities simply for the sake of pleasure are a necessary element to a healthy overall wellbeing. This information goes against the narratives that our society propagates which is that play or leisure is not only not necessary but inappropriate for adults to engage in and is frequently viewed as indicative of developmental or social disturbances. In more colloquial terms, adults get shunned or criticized for engaging in play or any behavior that may be seen as adolescent in nature. In contrast, this research supports the fact that engaging in pleasure seeking behaviors is actually protective and supportive to healthy mental and physical outcomes. Seeing as this is the case, how can we as adults who have been conditioned to shy away from play or anything that could be seen as adolescent, begin to unlock and connect with the part of ourselves that enjoys these activities?
In my own life, I have seen the necessity of connecting with the part of myself that enjoys play, and leisure, and feeling connected with my adolescence. For many of us, like myself, who experienced trauma in adolescence, it can be especially difficult to connect with the youthful or childlike parts of ourselves, however this is the part of ourselves which is the most open and receptive to play and pleasure. If it is necessary to engage in these activities in order to live a healthy and well-balanced life, then connecting with these parts of ourselves is also necessary. Thus, I have begun to incorporate a practice which I ,and others, call small time. This practice allows me the opportunity to connect with and celebrate my inner-child and in turn allows me to engage in play and leisure without shame or guilt.
You may be asking yourself, what small time actually looks like or could look like for you. For me, small time starts with a mindset. One of the reasons I latched onto the term small time is the emphasis on small. Much of adult life, including work, bills, domestic labor, ect., can often feel very big and heavy. Going about life and engaging in daily tasks can sometimes get overwhelming and to cope I naturally found myself shying away from the big things, at least sometimes. For me small time begins as a set amount of time, a day or an evening, where I can avoid all the big things and replace them with small things instead. It is in essence consciously taking off the “adult hat” and swapping it out for the “kid hat” in a sense. During this small time, I do not make big decisions or do big tasks, instead I focus on connecting with my inner child self or even my base level self to tune into what my body and soul really want. Maybe I watch cartoons or color. I might build a fort in my living room and sit on the floor eating snacks and cuddling with plushies. Maybe I play video games for hours while ignoring the laundry that needs to be folded or the dishes that need to be washed. Regardless of what small time may look like, the idea is to, without judgment, do what feels good. You allow yourself to let go of the overwhelming need to be productive and accomplish tasks, make decisions, or be responsible and instead allow yourself to be small and do small yet pleasurable things. Do not mistake this with procrastination which can serve its own purpose, as this process is mindful and done with intention. The main goal of this process is to listen to yourself, especially your inner child and honor their desires. You show up for yourself and take time to meet all of your needs, especially the ones you may often ignore for the sake of productivity, necessity, or fear of judgment.
If after reading this blog, you feel excited, encouraged, or even feel a sense of judgment bubbling up, then small time is for you. Small time’s goal is to allow you to free yourself from stigma or societal expectations such that you can honor your own internal small voice. We all deserve to feel like a kid again and do things that bring us joy or pleasure simply for the feeling. There is no shame in having interests or hobbies that society deems childlike or weird. We are humans and we find these things compelling for a reason. All we need to do is to tune in and listen.
I hope you enjoyed this new blog post and I hope it gave you some ideas for incorporating your own version of small time, whatever it may look like, into your life. If you have thoughts or questions about connecting with your inner child or any other blog post that is available, you can meet me over on instagram @unlimitedspectrumcounseling or @jaydemullistherapy. I hope to connect with you there!
With Love,
Jayde